I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
