somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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