I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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