She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
