This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
