You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
