I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
