You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
