Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
