my sisters under your porch take her home
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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