Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she looked like the before picture.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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