"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
