she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
