would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Are we still banned from the library?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
