i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
