be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
