god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Boobs are out for the taking
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
