I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You ruined the universe
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
