i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
