Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
