TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
