You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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