i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
