i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
