Already got asked if we're dating
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
