He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just pee around me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
