i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
