I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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