Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
