hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
