sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
