I feel great
I just peed on a car
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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