he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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