I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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