Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
