capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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