I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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