So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
