You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
