I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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