If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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