I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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