I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
