I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
