How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
