just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I checked into jail on foursquare
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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