community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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