Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
