she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
