Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
