Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
