I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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