my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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