I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
