Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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