We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
