And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
