He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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