Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
