when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
