About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
