Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
