I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I touched a dick in church today
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
