I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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