Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
