the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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