Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
