if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
