does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we're making bets on your personal life
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
