If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
