i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
