i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
